The older I've become, naturally, the more relationships I have been in. And as most of them have not exactly been your average 'run of the mill' kind of situations, I have realized that the best way to explain almost everyone I've dated was to compare them to an article of clothing. Now, this could be because I relate nearly everything to clothing, or I may really be on to something here. Either way, I'd pick clothes over men any day, anyway.
The Uggs
I've never been a big Ugg fan to be quite honest, and although I've never actually owned a pair they do remind me of a certain boyfriend type. Even when you know you can do better, they're comfortable and always a strong go to when you aren't ready to go out of your comfort zone. The sad thing about Uggs are you're not really fooling anybody. We can all tell you're just doing what takes the least amount of effort, and that's about the worst thing you can do to yourself. Just to make myself clear, we should all move on from Uggs, both the boyfriends and the shoes.
The Poncho
The Poncho is kind of like the wet blanket of boyfriends. He has no structure, no backbone, and does nothing for you, or anyone else really. No one should waste their time trying to make things work with a poncho, because really all it's going to want to do is hang there.
The Skinny Jeans
These Skinny Jeans is not so much the cut as it the size. He's usually more of a good memory than anything else, and you like to keep him because you're reminiscent of who you were then and hope you'll fit back into that pair of jeans again someday.
The Turtleneck
I tend to date a lot of Turtlenecks. They are usually best described as 'clingers' and are often emotionally needy. The thing with Turtlenecks is everyone else usually loves them, but that's because they're not wearing one. No matter how much everyone tells you how cute it is and how perfect it is for you, every time you give a chance you find yourself suffocated, overwhelmed, and asking yourself why the hell you put yourself through this again.
The Little Black Dress
And finally, there is the "Mr. Right" of clothing, the Little Black Dress. The great thing about the perfect black dress is it compliments you in everyway and is perfect for every occasion. In all reality, you probably can't imagine life before you found your LBD and in the end you wonder why you wasted so much time on Ugg boots and turtlenecks.
